Medicine is our profession, not our identity. This was the lesson I learned in my recovery from burnout.
Once you decide you want to go into medicine, there are so many hoops to jump through and it becomes a really big goal. Then everything becomes a “when”: when you take your MCAT, when you do your prereqs, when you get into medical school, residency, etc. The goal posts keep moving and the delayed gratification becomes such a big part of your life: it’ll get better “when” you reach this next stage.
I wish I had known how this would affect me over the long run. Medicine consumed so much of who I was that when the burnout hit, it was an existential crisis that shook my identity and made me question whether I wanted to continue a career in medicine. Was being a doctor really worth it?
It left me in so much despair because of how many things I’d forgone in the pursuit of becoming a doctor. We leave our hobbies, and many of the things that are uniquely ourselves, behind. They don't just go away; they just patiently wait for you to ask, “OK, who am I? What do I enjoy in life?”
Before adding MD to my name, I was already an entirely whole person with hobbies, interests and skills outside of medicine. But they just kept getting put on the back burner because medicine took up so much of my time, my focus, my energy, myself.
Being a doctor is a wonderful privilege and we work so hard to achieve and maintain our profession; it needs that time and attention because it’s so important. But don’t forget who you are. Medicine may be a large part of your life, but it is not all of who you are. It’s equally important to nurture your hobbies and interests because, while they may change over time, they don’t go away. You’ll need them to sustain yourself and to help fill your cup.
Humor was always something I’d enjoyed — now I make time to perform and teach improv. It has added such a different flavor into my life and my practice, and being able to incorporate it into my life as a wellness leader has made me better at communicating, listening, handling uncertainty, and trusting my instincts.
In many ways, the concept of not letting medicine dominate my identity is something I’ve always known but hadn’t been able to recognize. My father is a writer, a poet, an artist, and also a surgeon. Growing up, he’d tell me, “These are your hobbies, they’re your gifts.” While we don’t necessarily need them to be our livelihoods, they would allow us to draw energy from them. I wish I’d listened to that a little bit more carefully at the time.
Finally, the decision to pursue medicine as your career should be a personal decision. Coming from an immigrant household which was very achievement focused, I know it can be difficult to ignore everyone’s opinions of who or what you should be. When your pager is blowing up at 3 a.m. and you haven’t had the opportunity to eat, sleep or pee, you need to be certain this was the path that you chose. No one else is answering that call, just you.
This factors into the specialty you choose once you’ve decided to pursue medicine. I chose pediatrics because I have always enjoyed working with children, likely because I still feel like a child at heart. Then, I chose pediatric critical care because I had never felt more intellectually and emotionally challenged, and I was eager to learn more. As a resident, it was the first time I genuinely looked forward to taking an overnight call. Not only are children more interesting to interact with, I enjoyed learning about the ever-evolving physiology that changes with them. The detective work involved in obtaining a history from a family member and honing my diagnostic skills was both intellectually satisfying and, dare I say it, fun. While witnessing physiology in action in the ICU fueled my curiosity, connecting with children and their families during the most difficult time in their lives filled my soul’s purpose.
The decision to become a doctor and what kind of doctor is uniquely personal and should be satisfying to you. More than anything, my advice for those of you starting out your medical careers is to be true to yourself. Medicine can be a daunting field, but don’t lose sight of who you are and actively take steps to make sure you’re protecting that identity.
In the end, I’m still Sara Aghamohammadi. Doctor is my title, not my name.
Email Sara Aghamohammadi, MD
